number fifteen

the other day. two stupid things happen. i couldn't believe my luck. but it was one of those days, i could honestly feel it in my bones and blood, that something was going to happen to me.

number one : i got a one hundred dollar fine for using a concession bus card without a student concession card. understand? i'm supposed to be using an adult card despite being a student...the laws are so stupid over here. the story is, i decided to get out of my shell and go to the bookshop, kino, to flip through some books to stir up my brain juice. i rode on the bus. happily. but at the same time, with a weird nagging feeling and suddenly i had a flash back to when he gave me this disapproving look when he saw me whip out my concession bus card the last time i took a bus. anyway. this time i was alone. i went to kino. and disaster stuck there. i'll tell you soon. so. done with kino - head back home. as i was walking to the bus stop, i saw two bus conductors, (one ang mor, one with a turban) hanging around the bus stop. i thought, ok, take the bus after theirs. so i waited. one bus conductor gave me a funny look. as though he knew what i was up to. i boarded my bus. i was weary. i was keeping a look out. one stop. two stops. on the third stop, i spotted them getting off the bus in front of mine. i panicked. i saw the familar turban getting closer and closer. i frantically pressed the bell. nothing worked for me.i quickly got off my seat and dashed to the front of the bus where the door was opened for boarding passengers. as i was about to make my leap off the bus, the BLOODY guys came up the bus. i tried to shuffle past them. but they already knew my game. i innocently said "this is my stop. i have to get off here..." turban guy said "yes, yes, show me your card first." i pretended to reach into my deep deep bag, tried to fish around for time. and eventually, my wallet. i unzipped my wallet. pretended to look for my card. in actual fact it was literally up my sleeve. i stashed it away there. i eventually had to take it out from my sleeve and pretend i didn't know it was there (how loser is that). they got me to get off the bus. i stood at the pavement with these two asses. no matter how stupid i acted, i got myself my fine. long story.

next up is my kino disaster. i went to kino, all ready and set for inspiration. as you know, i love taking pictures of anything that interests me. i went to my usual section. and flipped through a book. ah! nice image. interesting concept. *snap (with my handphone of course).....ah! yet another nice image. interesting concept. *snap.... this went on for about 4 more times. then i don't know why i looked up, but i did. infact, i looked up, and to my right. i caught sight of this mysterious stranger, just watching me. no uniform. it's like i felt his gaze upon me. less than twenty seconds later, "m'am i'm from the secret service, i want you to delete every single image you took..." fuck fuck fuck fucck fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccck FARK! the blood just drained from my face and my heart wouldn't stop beating so hard. i thought i was going to get arrested. i played it cool though. i said nothing. i just deleted as told, and said, "there!" then he said "if i catch you taking that out again, out of the store you go." and i said..."sorry??" coz i really didn't understand what he was mumbling about. so he had to repeat himself.

yes. i know. ok. i shouldn't be doing such unscrupulous things. i can only sit here and laugh at myself.
that my friend, is what you call a major super diao diao diao day.

number fourteen

just now, i did something incredibly stupid. thus, this entry. i lighted all five of my candles. sometimes meesuah, you have to trust those $4 dollar candles from hot dollar. and i say that only because they've yet to fail me like this one you see on the left, in powdery form. no. it's not some mysterious powder drug. i bought a vanilla and brown sugar scented candle. yes meesuah. the same one i bought you. but silly me, i didn't bother to buy a plate. as a result, after less than an hour and a half of burning the brand new candle, disaster struck. initially, i looked over to the corner of my room and thought, nice, nothing is burning down so far. BUT upon closer inspection, i saw a nice soft creamy puddle on the carpet, getting bigger and bigger as the seconds tick by. the wax had somehow drizzled down the sides of the "good quality" candle and just settled on the carpet. that my friend, on the left, is the result of tons of scrapping at the carpet. now i have a patch of semi brand new carpet. he told me, "now you know what you've got to do eh?" in other words, to make the carpet look the same throughout the room, i should clean every other uncleaned portion of the carpet in the room.

number thirteen

just now. actually the other day. but i like starting with just now. so, the other day, i went to see the doctor. we greeted one another. he asked what was wrong with me. so on and so forth. he took my blood pressure, and then you know how doctors have to put this instrument into your ear to take your temperature? he was on his roller chair. he launched himself off from his desk and slid all the way to my right side. he reached out and held my earlobe, and as he did that, he gave me a bad static shock, through my little earlobe. we both felt it. and there even was that TARK sound. we both laughed. and then as nerdy a doctor as he was, he explained why it happened. ok. maybe not that stupid. but at that point in time, when i got a static shock through my earlobe, it was quite retarded.

number twelve

just now, dot called. i answered.
me : "hello?"
her : "hey!!! it's me!!!!!"
me : "who's this?"
her : "dot!"

but i heard God.
i wondered which one of my friends would dare to say that they're God.

number eleven

just now, i farted. and then, you know how you know when another fart is coming? yes. i knew. but how wrong i was. i then proceeded to fart again. out came this warm sensation that filled my bum. i immediately ran to the toilet. shit, indeed. all mustardy and soft. filling every corner of my grey sleeping underwear. good contrast.

number ten

just now, while i was chatting with a friend, i saw the meesuah conversation tab blinking. i used my middle finger to tap lightly on the laptop screen, to open the conversation box. i forgot i wasn't at work anymore - where touch screens are used.

#6

Tonight, at approximately 9pm, i was seriously craving some snacky snackeroos so i headed downstairs to meet ma and pa at 'la kim poh', as they so affectionately call it.

As ma and i prowled the neighbourhood, we went through this dodgy carpark. Along one of the empty lots, i, a.k.a. miss sharp eyes, or hawky as some people call me (hehe), spotted a tiny ginger-coloured kitten.

I made a little cat-call at him/her, kind of like the sound you make when someone bumps into you, or as if to imitate a lizard. Anyway, the little feline sort of scampered towards me in the cutest of ways and didn't hesitate to snuggle up to me and my not-so-snuggly feet (I just almost typed feets. Like zomglolzwtfbbq).

I really just wanted to put the skinny fellow of a critter in my pocket and dash home. Unfortunately, ma, Queen of Hatred Club o' Cats, HCC for short, started flipping out.
"Mee-suahhhhhh, meeee-suah! Stop that! Stop calling it! I don't want it to follow us!"
(of course she didn't really call me meesuah, stupid beehoon).
All this pleading and yelling while i incessantly continued to make my cat-calls.

I soon got up from my squat position and trudged to the minimart.
All this while, i secretly hoped that my little pussy(cat) was lurking somewhere.

After a bit, we left the minimart and traced our route back home.
My little kitty kat was nowhere in sight so i did a round of cat-calls yet again.
Low and behold! From about 5 metres away my little orange pal ran in my direction, first looking left and right for cars (seriously), and then right at me. I was so happy but i had to act nonchalant obviously cause Queen of HCC was darting looks of poison at us.

We got durians and not long after i reluctantly left the kitten.

I came upstairs to my room for about 2 hours and then quietly i roped kor kor along in my quest to find my hungry chum.
Armed with a can of pa's tuna(hehe) and a can opener, we set off into the horizon(our lift and then void deck).

I searched high and low for him/her, only to find a bunch of other annoying cats.
Completely SJPed, i decided to give a portion of the food to the cutest cat i found.

I opened the can of tuna, while kor kor watched me.
After pouring some out on a tile, the cat that won the cute competition, gobbled up it's prize.

"Eh give some more la"
"ok"

I proceeded to knock the can on the tile,
but carefully,
so that i could save some for my ginger cat.

But BANG!
All the tuna fell out and that one, stupid lucky cat got to enjoy all of it.

-.-''' diao diao diaoooooo

number nine

just now, more like two days ago - while he was out on a road trip, i did the laundry. i happily dumped everything into the washing machine, poured the detergent, waited about 50 minutes for that to be over, then transferred the whole pile into the dryer. approximately an hour and a half after that, while lying in my bed, watching an episode of the family guy, i heard a semi loud explosion. it sounded like a gunshot. i didn't dare leave my room. but i had to. i ran to the dryer and took out all the clothing. it was dry by then. it didn't quite smell like laundry detergent. instead it reeked of something metallic. i proceeded to fold the clothing anyway. one by one. something made me reach into his chef pants, only to grab and turn inside out his right pocket. little bits of plastic fell out. accompanied with some twisted metal and a familiar circular object. his lighter had exploded in the dryer.

number eight

just now,

beehoon says:
shit!
beehoon says:
i know which sog ur talkg abt. but i cnt sing it in my head!!!
beehoon says:
help!!! lyrics
meesuah says:
uhhhhh
meesuah says:
after the boys of summer are goneee
meesuah says:
i can see it
meesuah says:
i eman
meesuah says:
i can see youuuu
meesuah says:
your breasts keep shining in the sun
meesuah says:
actually i'm not sure if the word is breasts
beehoon says:
ahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahaahahahahaa
meesuah says:
hahaha shut up
meesuah says:
oh
meesuah says:
your brown skin shining in the sun
meesuah says:
hahahaha
meesuah says:
hahahaha
meesuah says:
damn it

number seven

just now, i woke up late. work was at 1pm. i got up at 12.30pm. thank God for sixth sense, or i'd have lost my job. something woke me. i don't know what. considering that he and my room-mate are both out of town. in separate cities, of course. anyway. i couldn't understand how i managed to sleep through a variety of 3 annoying phones alarms, each set at volume number 7...till i got on the bus. the alarm sounded. it was loud. and embarrassing. i looked at the time. it was 12.46pm. i had set all 3 alarms one hour too late. got to work at 1pm on the dot.

#5

Remember the man i told you i met on the plane on the way back? The one who sort of harrassed the daylights out of me? The one who i was fairly nice to cause i thought he was an air steward?

Remember how i told you he started off by played an innocent game of tic tac toe with me? And how he spoke about one-tenth english and talked and even sang till i felt like my ears were going bleed out? When eventually i just wanted to jump off the plane with nothing but a little parachute strapped to my back?

Sounded too outrageous and completely mad in the mind to be a real person right?

Well he also gave me his website. Where he eagerly informed me i could listen to and look at snippets of him and his singing friends proudly belting out arabic numbers. More accurately, i do recall him saying ,"Website. Can see. Can hear."

I googled it today, for shits and giggles.
Well, after about 1234567890 hours of laughter and sheer horror,
i present to you:

'Ayman sergeant : from choirs-Hitter rhythm - (device Alerim Books) age : born in Damascus -1976-work : fashion design, sewing concerns : Learning computer language Alanhklise Hobbies : Krhaddam, swimming, and watch the film world Marital status : Married, two children (Mahmoud Youssef)'










First picture, second from right. Second picture, extreme left. You might notice that i blurred out most the site's address, so as to avoid a legal fit from him and his choir.

Turns out he really is sort of 27. And he has 2 kids.

How can someone that insane be in existence?
Seriously KNNCCB. I wish i could hit him with a huge baseball bat.

Bloody sexual predator perv!

Honestly, very funny and quite entertaining to think about, but also extremely revolting.


As an end note, i shall quote his wise words to me,
"Vel-li, vel-li, boo-tiful".

#4

I bought a set of white tall candles from ikea yesterday, to replace my lousy fern ones.
I quite happily burned them, throughout the night.
I woke up to find that they drizzled all over the bloody place, dripped down my table and the wax droplets bounced off the floor and onto everywhere else.
I spent about a grand total of 15-20 mins using a baking scraper tool to get rid of all the wax off of my floor and desk.
Guess i should've listened to mama when she said, "Baby make sure you blow out all your candles before you sleep, you are going to give me a heart attack."
Heeeeheee

number seven

just now, we went for breakfast at glebe. like a very early just now. anyway. after breakfast, we took a walk. we walked past this school. "look! it's a monastery!" he said. "monastery?? really?!?!" i said. i followed his gaze to a bunch of people, some 150m away. picture this. innocent young school children in deep yellow t-shirts and maroon pants sitting cross-legged on the floor. i couldn't stop laughing. he thought they were monks!!!!

#3

You know the candle i bought from our good friends at Top Dollar?
The one with a fern print all over?
It has burned it's way to a strange level.
Such a strange level that the wick now floats above the wax.
This causes a global phenomenon, known as, wick-floating-above-now-solidified-wax-syndrome.
Which prevents the candle from being lit altogether.
Thank you very much Top Dollar, for i now have half a fern-print candle sitting on my desk completely for ornamental purposes.
P.S.: Very nice touch with the 'anonymous' hoody pictures, beehoon.

number six

just now, i slipped down the flight of steps in my apartment. it was cold. i was wearing my fuzzy brown slip-on bedroom shoes. the left side wasn't worn on properly. i skidded down the stairs as though i was on a sled. it was embarrassing. when i got up, i frantically looked around for my room mate. she was no where to be found. phew. no one saw.

#2

I spent most of my day monitoring my clarins self-tanner induced tan.
I have to say i was quite pleased with the minimal results despite the not extremely pleasent scent that accompanied it.
That was until mama looked at me and said, "Why is your face black and patchy?"
Great.

number five

just now, i kissed him on the lips. his lips tasted sweet. so i asked, "why do your lips taste so sweet?" then he said, "coz i'm sweet." then half an hour later, while walking to the video store, i tried blowing smoke out of my mouth. there was lots of smoke. then he tried blowing smoke. and there was none. then he asked, "how come you can blow smoke and i can't?" and i said, "coz i'm warm." and a few minutes later i said, "i may be cold on the outside, but i'm warm on the inside." and then i couldn't stop laughing at my own joke. then he said out loud, "ting ting ting! rolls eyes!" and i said, "i have to tell meesuah."

number four

just now, i woke up. took my bath. called work. spoke to stan. my boss of one day. i hate waitressing :( it's not easy. i'm made for retail. so i quit. stupid move? so i'm all dressed up for 'work', with nothing to do. i think i'll bake some instant cookies.

number three

just now, at work, my colleague asked me, "why don't want to eat? on diet? how come not hungry? why am i always hungry?" then i said. ever heard of 'pai seh'? then she said "aiyah! don't need to be pai seh lah!!! hey!!!! (she screamed into the small kitchen) she's paiseh!! she's very malu!!!" i wanted to just die.

#1

I sniggered to myself when i read your post

"all by myselfffffff
don't wanna be
all by myselfffff
anymoreeee"

But too bad i am. SJP hehee

number two

just now, i baked an orange poppyseed cake. the almost instant type. it turned out fine. but it tasted like shit. so i threw it away.

number one

just now, i coughed. and beehoon went down the wrong pipe. now it's stuck in my nose.